The Days That Follow
by Downton Addict
Summary: The days and weeks following Sybils death, how Cora finds her way to forgive Robert.


She stared at the crackle of the fire in an effort to keep her mind focused on something, anything, some form of physical connection to the world. She felt nothing. Empty. Hollow. An ache in the place she was sure her heart was supposed to be, but it had been ripped from her chest at Sybils death … _SYBIL! _She focused on the fire more intently as she had another flash of memory of her youngest daughter. Just to her left she could hear her mother in law thanking another guest for their kind words and thoughtfulness. She knew exactly what to say and how to keep the procession moving along. Cora had glued herself to Violet for days now. In preparation for the funeral she had stayed close to her mother in law, and Violet had welcomed it, or so it felt. The Dowager Countess knew what to say and what to do, and Cora had let her do it. When someone asked Cora a question, or made an attempt to speak with her Violet had answered for her. Cora had welcomed this as she could not fathom making the effort to speak, to form a thought that did not contain Sybil in it. She had also found comfort in being close to Violet, she was after all the closest thing Cora had to a mother on this side of that vast ocean. She knew that Violet was suffering too, she could see it in her eyes when they shared a brief look or the smallest exchange. Despite their differences she knew her mother in law loved her granddaughters and was deep in grief herself. Cora heard her husband's footsteps approach them and announce that the last funeral guests had left. With that Cora stood and said she must see to baby Sybil. As she left the room, she became aware of her husband's hand reaching out to hers. If she had reached her arm out an inch they would have been holding hands, but she could not bring herself to bridge the gap. Her eyes met his for the briefest of moments before she returned them to the floor and hurried out of the room.

Tom stiffened as the nursery door opened, he did not want to see any of them at this moment, he did not want to talk. When he saw it was Cora he allowed himself to relax. She was the one person in this house he trusted completely, the one person he felt could comprehend his grief. The moment they had shared Sybil's passing together, and the days after had solidified a bond between the two that was unshakeable. He knew she was his ally, if only for Sybil's memory, but still his ally, his friend. They had found themselves in this room together all so often over the last few days. Both wanting and needing to be with baby Sybil to help ease the pain of losing his wife, his love. Cora managed a tiny smile as she entered the room and asked how baby Sybil was. She had taken to calling her baby Sybil, perhaps as a way of differentiating the baby from her own baby who had been taken from this world.

"She has just eaten" he informed her "She's tired now."

"Let me rock her" said Cora as she crossed the room reaching her arms out for the tiny bundle. "You can get some rest Tom. They are all gone. It is finished downstairs." As she took baby Sybil in her arms she let her eyes rest on the baby's face, her dark hair, her nose just like her mothers. Cora settled into the rocking chair in the corner of the room as Tom left. He was so tired, he had not slept, not really since Sybil had passed and the strain was starting to show. With the funeral done perhaps he would get some rest. If he could sleep, if he could let his mind stop long enough for him to sleep.

Cora hummed to the baby as she rocked her in the chair. It was like she had been transported back in time and this was her baby Sybil. She looked so like her mother it was all Cora could do not to cry every time she saw her. She sat that way for more than an hour, the baby long since asleep. As the nursery door opened she did not look up, she knew who it would be, why he kept seeking her out in here she could not understand.

"Cora darling may I get you anything?" Robert asked from the doorway. Cora shook her head in response, not daring to take her eyes from the baby. She continued to rock in the chair as Robert looked on. The silence was so intense it felt like it was loud. "She is so like Sybil isn't she" Robert began as he took several steps closer to the chair. "Mmm" Cora mumbled in agreement. Robert crossed the remaining distance to the chair and now stood next to his wife and granddaughter, his eyes taking in the scene. Cora was so overcome with grief he did not know how to reach her. She was angry at him he did not know if he could ever get a civil word out of her again. If only she could know that she needn't bother blaming in, he would never forgive himself anyway. He reached his arm out to rest it on Cora's shoulder just as the door opened once again. The baby nurse entered offering her apologies for interrupting. Cora was on her feet in a flash crossing to the nurse. Robert may as well have not been there, Cora was speaking with the nurse and finally handing her the baby and then she exited the room. Robert mumbled his goodbyes to the nurse as he followed.

Weeks passed in the same routine. Cora took her breakfast in her room, remaining there for the morning hours. She would join the family for Luncheon but her silence was deafening. After luncheon she would go to the nursery for the remainder of the day. Tom and baby Sybil being nearly the only people able to get a word out of her. She would dress for dinner and even O'Brien could barely get her mistress to speak. Dinner was a silent and grueling affair, with the exception of the nights Violet would join them. She could get Cora to join in the conversation for a brief moment, but nothing more. She would retire to bed, alone, following dinner.

It was as if she was barely even there. It was on an evening just as this after Cora left for bed that Robert found himself in the drawing room with his mother and daughters … his remaining living daughters – this thought always gave him a pang of fresh pain and took him a moment to recover.

"We have to do something Papa, she is not getting any better" exclaimed Edith. "Granny don't you agree?"

"Well yes dear, but you can not push people in their grief. You can not force it." Replied Violet.

"But Granny it has been weeks and weeks. We are all in pain, we are all in grief …" Mary's voice caught and she steadied herself before continuing "will she ever come back to us? Will she ever speak to Papa again? I can not help but feel she is being selfish in her pain. Sybil was Papa's daughter too for God's sake!"

"Mary dear, I understand you are suffering as are we all. Your mother has had to endure what no mother would ever wish, she has had to bury her child, her baby, the youngest of all , whose childhood is still so fresh in your mothers memory. Yes dear, your father has also lost his baby, he has lost a child, but I know even he will not object when I say that a mother's love is something quite different to that of a father. Yes your father loved Sybil, as he loves you all, but for your mother … I can not imagine the pain she is feeling, the absolute all encompassing pain. She has lost a part of herself. You must give her time." Violet's pain evident in her own eyes as she spoke.

"Thank you Mama, I quite agree. I understand her grief will take quite some time. I just wish that she would not push me away as she does. I wish I could help her, that maybe she could … that she could … look at me" Robert looked at his hands as he spoke the last words. He was overcome with grief too, he was overcome with guilt, he wanted his wife to talk with, to hold onto, to grieve together. He feared this may never happen, she may never forgive him. "Excuse me, I apologize." He finished.

"Papa, you needn't apologize to us" said Mary as she crossed the room to lay a hand on his shoulder. He patted her hand with his.

"I will try to talk with her Robert. I will be gentle, although that does not come naturally to me. But she is quite wrong to blame you for what happened. It is no one's fault. I am afraid she is just so overcome that she is angry. Anger is a far easier emotion to deal with than absolute grief. She loves you Robert, she will be back with you in time." Violet stood as she spoke and motioned for Edith to call for the car.

Violet found Cora in the nursery with baby Sybil. It had been several days since she had been up to the house, but she had needed the time to consider how best to approach Cora on the subject she had promised Robert she would speak with her about.

"My! She looks more like her mother with each passing day doesn't she?" exclaimed Violet.

"She does Mama." Replied Cora, a faint smile almost finding its way to her lips "She is so like her mother. " Cora smiled adoringly at baby Sybil.

"Where is Tom?" asked Violet

"He has gone to town to mail some letters to his mother. He was in need of the walk as he hasn't left the house in weeks" Cora replied.

"Has he not? And how about you my dear? Have you left the house?" Violet enquired

Cora frowned "Not lately."

"Then it is settled Cora, we shall have tea in the garden" Violet announced as she rang for Carson.

Cora rolled her eyes, she had been caught out, how could she deny her mother in law when not half an hour prior she had been the mother in law forcing the fresh air on her son in law.

They sat in the shade on the garden together in a comfortable silence. Violet did not force her to talk, and that made Cora at ease around her. How odd that after all those years of discomfort together that they would end up so at ease.

"I suppose we shall have Sybil to have tea with us in a few short years, how lovely that will be" Violet commented

"Yes I suppose that is true." said Cora "Although if baby Sybil is like her mother at all tea in the garden was never her favorite" they shared a smile as they both remembered the failed attempts at teaching a young Sybil how to have tea like a lady.

"Cora dear, I should like to speak with you about something" Violet began.

"Yes mama?" Cora asked, slightly concerned this could end their easieness.

"Cora, I can not begin to understand your grief my dear. You should take all the time you need to mourn your child"

"Thank you Mama" Cora said as she looked at her teacup.

"However dear, it has been over a month now and I can not help feel that perhaps your anger at Robert is misplaced." Violet continued as Cora opened her mouth to reply and then shut it again with anger flaring in her eyes. Had he really sent his mother to come to his defense?! "Cora, I understand you are angry, you are hurt, you have all the feelings of a mother who has lost their child, but I do not hesitate to tell you that this was not Robert's fault. Do you think he would not have done everything he could to save his daughter? Do you not think that he will blame himself as long as he lives? He was doing what he thought was best Cora, what he thought could save her. He would have done anything …"

"Except listen to Dr Clarkson" Cora interrupted angrily, "Honestly Mama, how can you say these things to me? If he had listened …"

"She may still be dead!" interrupted Violet "Dr Clarkson himself said he was not sure he could save her. It was terrible Cora. It was tragic and terrible and a horrible thing. A truly horrible thing. But it is not Roberts fault. It is not even Sir Philips fault really. He did what he thought was right, but if you want to be angry go ahead and be angry at him … because He has not just lost his youngest daughter, but Robert has. Do not forget that dear. Robert has lost his child as well" Cora looked down at her tea cup, tears starting in eyes. Several moments passed as Cora tried to collect herself. When she realized it was not going to happen she stood and excused herself, walking as quickly as she could inside, up the stairs and straight to her room. She barely made it through the door when she collapsed to the floor sobbing into her hands.

She did not go down for dinner. She was not hungry. She could hear footsteps outside her door and then a soft knock. Robert entered the room dressed as he had been for dinner.

"Did you get the food I sent up darling?" he asked

"Yes. I was not hungry. Thank you" she replied coolly.

"How are you feeling my darling?" he tried again

"Tired" she said flatly

"I thought" … he began hesitantly … "I thought that I might move back in here tonight." He finished.

"I think I would rather sleep alone for a while" Cora replied, looking away from him.

He had thought she might reject his efforts, but he had not been prepared for how her words would make him feel. Deflated, devastated, beyond comfort. He had lost his daughter and he could not help but feel he was losing his wife as well. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. The tears in the corner of his eyes threatening to fall. She looked up to see him as he exited the room, head low, a tear glistening down his cheek. She buried down into her blankets and tried to stay conjure up her anger, he was to blame … wasn't he?

She must have fallen asleep sometime after Robert had left the room because she found herself waking up to soft sounds from his dressing room. It was dark outside, she turned on the light and found her dressing gown. She crept closer to the door that connected their rooms and pressed her ear toward the door . Soft guttural sounds were coming from the other side. Was Isis in there with him? She thought at first. As the realization dawned on her she felt her anger stirring and subsiding at the same time. He was crying, no he was sobbing in the room. Alone. Her husband, Sybils father, the most honorable man she felt she could know was sobbing all alone in his dressing room. Suddenly all she felt was compassion for him. Violets words came back to her "_Robert has lost his baby too_". She gently pressed the door open and her eyes adjusted to the darkness as the light from her room eluminated the scene faintly. Crumbled on the floor, his knees up to his chest sat her husband. His head buried in his knees, his shoulders heaving up and down as painful sobs escaped his body. It was like his whole body was in pain as he heaved up and down. If he had heard her enter he did not acknowledge it. She slowly crossed the floor to him, and he looked up at her. His face was wet with tears, his eyes red. How long had he been crying she wondered? He looked exhausted.

"Cora. Don't look at me. I am embarrassed." He said quickly "I am sorry if I woke you"

"Robert I …." She began

"Please go back to bed Cora. I have embarrassed myself enough" he said curtly

"But I…" She started

"Just leave please!" He almost yelled.

She took two steps back, the anger she had felt before starting to crawl its way back. She got to the door when she thought of Violet's words again. Thought of her own grief and anger. She turned back around.

"Robert, I apologize for treating you so poorly. I … have been very angry since …" her voice trailed off "…since Sybil's death." she finished.

"Cora, please. Not now" He said again

"Why not now! ?" Cora shouted. Her force and volume startled them both "Why not now?" She continued in a more even tone "Because I will see you cry? Because I will see you sad? Because you do not want me to see you as ever perfect, or infallible, or wrong, or weak? Our baby has died Robert, of course you are going to cry!" She finished

Robert was shocked. She was speaking to him for one, and she was being so forceful about it. She continued "Robert, I have been so angry at you, so very angry at you and at Sir Philip and at anyone I could think of because the truth is … the truth is …" she could almost not be heard any longer "the truth is … I can barely stand my heartache" She finished, as the first sobs escaped her chest. Robert was up off the floor and crossed to her in time to catch her as she crumbled to the floor. The both of them crumbled in a heap together on the floor, arms around each other clinging to each other for life itself. Sobs escaping them both. After some time his own sobs subsided and Cora started to breathe with greater ease as more silent tears escaped her. Robert held her on the floor stroking her hair, her cheeks, holding her as close as he could. Needing to be near his wife, needing to help her, for her to help him.

She finally spoke "Robert, I was wrong to blame you. I do not blame you. It is not anyones fault."

"But Cora you are wrong, I will blame myself for my whole life" he replied, head down.

"Please don't darling. Please let's not blame ourselves any longer. Sybil would not have wanted that." Cora cupped his chin and lifted it to meet her eyes. She gently kissed his lips.

"Cora!" Robert sighed, "I have thought you may never speak with me again" he started "I had lost my baby girl, and then it felt as though I had lost you too. It was more than I could bare my love" he completed. He stroked her hair and then kissed her gently. She responded to his kiss with soft caresses of his face with her hand. Before he knew it she was kissing him with greater energy, greater intensity and greater longing. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed each other with more passion than they had in what seemed like years. Cora knew they were both deep in grief and needed each other in more ways than one. They gasped and heaved for air as they kissed and grabbed for each other for what seemed like hours. Then Robert was up on his feet, leaning down to pick her up and carry her to their room as he had done when they were so newly married. He lay her on the bed and covered her body with his own. The weight of him on top of her made her feel warm, made her feel safe for the first time in a month. As they started to undress each other she could not control herself any longer. She wrapped her legs around his waist almost forcing him to enter her, still half dressed. They both gasped at the closeness and the passion. They moved together, kissing and grabbing and holding each other until they both finally reached the end and felt the release of the passion they had felt. They clung to each other holding each other in their passion, in their grief. They would make it through this Cora thought. They would make it together. They would grieve their daughter and they would care for their granddaughter, and they would make it through. For the first time in a month Cora slept without fear.


End file.
